In my house, “endless summer” is the phrase we use to describe days when routines fly out the window, crackers and cheese count as a meal (any of the three meals), and you just let it all go. The problem for many of our kids, though, is that it’s been endless summer off and on for more than a year. As we count down to new classrooms or new schools, how do we create the daily routines children need to make a smooth adjustment to new settings? You’ll read a lot about morning routines, but what happens when children come home is just as important.
Returning home after a busy day at preschool or kindergarten is a big exhale for our little ones: fewer rules, their favorite food, and the people they love best all in one convenient location. At the same time, that process of separation and reconnection — from school to the familiarity of home — can be stressful for some children. You might see your child get really revved up, or be fussier than usual, or even fall apart when they come home from school. This is their way of saying that this transition takes work and they’re having trouble coping.
Surprisingly, routines are a great tool to support children after school. For many of us, this is the opposite of what we might think: surely kids had enough of routines and structure by the end of the day? But routines can help young children feel safe and secure.
Here are some ideas to build a routine for your child after school.
- Put away school belongings. Starting in preschool, children can be taught how to hang their backpack and jacket when they come home. But the key word is taught. Children aren’t born knowing which hook is for their coat or what shelf to put their shoes on (if only!). This learning happens first by your gentle modeling and some simple labels with their name or photo. Over time, you’ll be able to switch to prompts like, “Where does your backpack/jacket/shoes go?”
- Grab food and water. The first thing to offer after your child whips off their backpack? A snack! It’s a long afternoon for little ones and feeling hungry can intensify other emotions (crankiness, for example!). Think about foods that will fill them up until dinner, like whole grains, lean proteins, fruits, and vegetables. Offering water is important too. Children actually need more to drink than you might think. Toddlers ages 1 to 3 should take in approximately four cups of beverages per day, including water or milk, and kids ages 4 to 8 need around five cups per day.
- Give time for independent play. All of us like a little time to just hang out and do what we want after a long day. Giving your child time for free play can be soothing for them and necessary for us (since the preschool day isn’t necessarily the end of the work day). Think about creating a “free play” bin that holds objects children may not see often. This bin could include engaging household objects to capture their interest, such as a whisk, a set of coasters, an old purse, or a jar of buttons to sort.
- Help out with family chores. A recent study asked kids if they’d rather pretend to do activities (like make cookies, talk on the phone, cut vegetables) or do the real thing. Not surprisingly, most kids wanted to do the activity for real. This is great news for parents since young children don’t see a difference between chores and play. Setting the table or filling everyone’s water glass can be as fun as any toy. So think about ways to work with your preschooler on the tasks that need to get done, like making dinner or sorting laundry. You’ll be surprised at how these can be rich moments for enjoying one another, connecting, and having fun together.
- Include physical activities. You know the big energy that preschoolers bring to the house when they haven’t had a chance to be active. Preschoolers need regular physical activity across the day, inside and out. Think about ways to meet your child’s need for physical play in ways that work for your family routine. Yoga stretches in the afternoon? A crazy dance party when your work day is done? Climbing over couch cushions stacked on the floor while you cook dinner? These kinds of experiences support children’s physical skills, of course, but also promote developing self-regulation and social skills.
- Create a visual routine. Draw a schedule to show what will happen each day after school: A picture of the backpack on its shelf, your child’s favorite snack, and so on. Put a binder clip on the activity your child is in now and move it along to each step as the afternoon progresses. This lets your child know what’s coming next. If you need some time without interruptions, use a timer that shows a visual of the minutes remaining (like on your phone). Tools like these give children some control and understanding of their day, which helps them feel more regulated and relaxed.
While endless summer is not always a bad thing, an after-school routine can help everyone feel a little more organized as life gets closer to “normal” this fall. After-school routines give your child time to transition back to the rhythms of home. Creating a mix of activities — and including one-on-one time, cuddles, and conversation — can turn the “worst” hours into the wonder hours.
