Ever laughed and cringed at holiday movies where the quest for the perfect holiday turns into chaos with family fights, things catching on fire, and unexpected guests crashing the festivities? As a Marriage and Family Therapist, I've seen how the holidays can be both challenging and joyous. Here are some expert tips to not just survive but thrive with your kids during the holidays.
Prioritize Open Communication & Realistic Expectations
Discuss expectations and traditions with your co-parent and family members. Collaboratively decide which ones are essential and be flexible. Balance scheduled activities and downtime to prevent exhaustion, irritability and stress.
Learn to Say No and Delegate for Your Well-being
I encourage my clients to practice saying no: notice and acknowledge your feelings, sit with the discomfort, and know that they will pass! Challenge yourself to delegate a task to someone else, as this can help you free up some time. Although you might prefer “perfection,” embrace that things can be “good enough” to prioritize well-being over unrealistic perfection.
Involve Your Kids and Maintain Routines
Involve kids in planning and preparation for events, like holiday baking and cooking, as this can help them feel included and excited. Maintain routines by ensuring that your kids have consistent meals and get 8 hours of sleep per night. When kids don’t get enough sleep, they may experience emotional dysregulation. If your kids struggle with transitions between activities or feel anxious, create a schedule and put it somewhere where they can see it. Consider using drawings and images.
Engage in Kind Acts
Incorporate a kind act with your family, like donating to a coat, food, or gift drive, or volunteering together. In addition to helping others, being kind produces oxytocin, which reduces stress and increases positive emotions, and it also fosters social-emotional development and empathy for your kids.
Self-Care Matters!
As a therapist, an important tip I have for parents is to manage their own stress, slow down, and practice self-care and mindfulness - whether it's a brief solo walk, 15 minutes of yoga, or a quiet cup of tea. Prioritize moments of relaxation and being in the present moment. Being well-rested and grounded equips you to handle the holiday hustle and unpredictable moments.
Create a Self-Care Plan
Be mindful of family dynamics, as they can bring up complex feelings. I encourage my clients to create a self-care plan to use during the holidays: write down potential triggers and how you would like to cope with each one. Identify your social support system and who you can call during the holidays. Check that they are comfortable with you calling to vent or process family conflict.
Reach Out for Help
If you find the holiday season particularly challenging, consider the value of professional support through therapy and parent coaching. I'm here to offer support tailored to your unique family dynamics and to help you navigate the holidays with resilience and joy.
| Marina Kerlow, LGMFT, is the founder and owner of Marina Kerlow Therapy, LLC. She is a bilingual therapist (English and Spanish) offering teletherapy services in Maryland, with limited in-person availability at her new practice in Takoma Park. Visit www.marinakerlowtherapy.com to learn more about her expertise and services. |  |
